I've been in a sort of "pit of self-loathing". And I apologize. So I offer this beauty:

I promise!! 

I know what you're saying..it's your blog and if that's how you feel, then that's how ya feel. But I never wanted nor intended to make a blog that was a personal journal about my feeeeeelings. Ew. I have one of those (and it ain't purty, let me tell ya!). I'd like the reader to feel happy and uplifted maybe even occasionally challenged but never, ever, ever go away thinking what a downer I am. I just let my thoughts go sometimes and when I step back and look at what I've been doing/thinking I realize it's not all genuine. It's just emotions and emotions are unreliable. I'm not a slave to them- we can control them though.

For instance, the other day I was letting my children's behavior totally control how I dealt with my own behavior. I actually started acting like a child- crying because I felt out of control of the situation, yelling and slamming things around because I didn't want to harness my anger, etc. That evening I had to take serious inventory on myself. What am I showing  my children?? No wonder they act like that..they see me doing it and then they hear me telling them not to do the very same thing!! Vicious cycle, much?!! I can dismiss everything anyone else suggests to me about parenting, life, whatever..but I cannot, however, dismiss what I see and I see so much room for improvement. So much. I used to complain that I don't know where to start but that's absurd: I start with ME!! Like Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world" That carries over into every aspect of life: marriage, parenting, Christianity, work, relationships with friends...it goes on and on.

So now that the proverbial light clicked on, the next step is what?? haha  Just kidding!