Regret

I don't like that word: regret. I don't really believe in it- we really should regret nothing in this life. Every experience, whether through some poor choice or whatever, is something we can learn from.

                                                                       BUT

I do indulge in the occasional self-loathing "pity party" and I had such a moment today. I felt overwhelmingly sad and incompetent. Soooo...when my Katy was a baby, I decided I was going to write her a letter (at least) on every birthday for her future reading pleasure. It started off wonderful. I was bubbling over with things I wanted her to know: how much I love her, all the things that happened and milestones she achieved throughout the year, etc.. I had them stashed away in a special box and added to it often. As Kennadi arrived only 13 months after Katy, I had quite a few, as I was writing them every few months as well as on their birthdays.

Something happened once Cayden was born (15 months after Kennadi if you didn't know). They became fewer and farther between. I'm pretty sure I had 12 or so in there and by Cayden's second birthday the number hadn't moved much. It really didn't bother me that much. I was busy with 3 kids..nothing to get depressed over. I was journaling alot so I had plenty to tell them in the birthday letters.

                                                                         THEN

We started moving every year or in some cases, less than a year. We always had super short notice-a week or less- so inevitably, tons of stuff got left behind every move (mainly toys & furniture). It was sad to see the kiddos upset but there wasn't much I could do about it. I'm sure you can tell where I'm going with this...yes, the box of letters got left behind. But the worst part of it is, I don't remember where it was left and even worse still, why I forgot about it for several years. It actually brought me to tears thinking of some random person finding this special box filled with precious memories and hopes and dreams for my babies and carelessly tossing it in the trash. :(

Alas and alack, I've grieved and gotten over it. I am going to start all over I think.