disappointment

Oh my. I'm a wreck today. Didn't sleep much. I worry about other people's problems with a bit too much intensity. I seem to take on the burden of certain things and then act like I don't care either way. But I do. I care so much that I want to intervene and make everything right again. In my mind, I've painted this radiant picture of perfection- how I want everything to be. It's my own fairytale I guess; how I see the beauty under the imperfections of day-to-day life. It's not a picture of regret- I don't imagine things how they should have been, just how they ought to be in the here and now. For instance, I don't ponder where I'd be now, at 28, if I would  have gone to college, got a job, married the man of my dreams, etc. I can't fathom that life- it's disgusting. I don't want "normal", I just want functional! I am related to know normal people. They bore the life right outta me.

Where does one draw the line and just let things people and situations be? There's so much more I want to say, but for now, I choose to watch and listen.